Swimming Home
by nevergoback
Summary: The words "stay with me" and "everything's gonna be okay" had been echoed in her ears, but she wasn't that stupid.


A/N: Yes, this is a re-upload from my forget-the-password account that somehow vanished. And anon, this is for you. Swimming Home is a very beautiful song by Evanescence. And sorry for my grammar, English isn't my mother language.

* * *

_Way down, I've been way down..  
__Underneath this skin ,  
__Waiting to hear my name again.._

* * *

__They thought the universe wanted them to be together. They thought the universe would let them happy. They thought - with the whole marriage thing, with Alexis happily approved their relationship, with Rick became the richest writer in the world, with Kate's pregnancy - everything would be okay.

They're gonna live happily ever after.

But they were wrong.

And there they were - with Kate laying on the ground and Castle tried to make her stay.

She had been shot. Again.

3 times.

The words "stay with me" and "everything's gonna be okay" had been echoed in her ears, but she wasn't that stupid. Hell, she knew she was smart. She knew what would happen if 3 bullets going through human's body.

Her body.

And her baby's.

Her watery eyes fluttered heavily. He wasn't even sure if she was conscious. But that was a miracle that her Kate still hold on after the attacks.

He might still have 2 more minutes with her.

* * *

_I'm sorry, nothing can hold me  
__I adore you still,  
__but I hear them calling  
__And nothing can hold me._

* * *

She felt him lifted up her hand to his lips. She felt his cold tears falling down her cheeks. And she felt her hot blood running through her skin.

It wasn't nice.

She tried to hold on. She tried to hold on for their baby, for Castle, for Alexis. For their beautiful short-life.

"Hold on, love, the medics are only 5 minutes away from us. The only thing you have to do is hold on, got it?"

To be honest, his voice made her weaker than before. 4 years partnership and 3 years marriage made her realize how much she means to him. How much they need each other. She barely think properly without him on her side.

He lifted her hand again and kissed her knuckles. The position made her green eyes saw her wedding ring - maybe for the last time.

That wedding ring had replaced her mother's. Aside from her fears, and how hurting her body was, she remembered that night, the night he proposed him.

She remembered the hugs she received from everyone that night. From Alexis, Martha, her dad, the boys, Lanie...her husband. And then she remembered the day they found out that she was pregnant.

The best moment in her life so far.

And she knew that it would be the last.

She felt her tears flowed on her cheek again, but then Castle wiped them carefully.

* * *

_Way down, all the way down..  
__I will hear your voice__  
__But I'll no longer understand_

* * *

She hissed in pain and he could do nothing about it. 3 parts on her body keep releasing blood and he could do nothing about it. Her tears kept running down and he could do nothing about it.

This killed him.

And that was really hurt for her. So much. To feel the bullet tore your skin. To see her best friend, partner, husband crying.  
It hurts to even move your lips. But she had to say something for him, something reassuring. She didn't like to hear him sobbing.

Because she wanted to. She wanted to cry, sob, shake, to express what was she feeling. But she couldn't.

She could feel him tried hard to stop crying, but he couldn't anyway. She really had to say something reassuring.

"R-Rick..don't cry."

Shit. That wasn't something she wanted to say.

* * *

_I'm sorry, nothing can hold me  
__I adore you still,  
__but I hear them calling,  
__And nothing can hold me._

* * *

"I love you, Kate. You know that, right ? Hold on. For me. For us."

He begged her still. What Kate heard was only a shush, but she saw his lips saying words.

What's wrong with her ears ?

She swallowed her tears hardly. She won't leave him, not like this, but again, this was out of her control.

He was stroking her hand, hopeless. She was still there, in front of him, breathing, crying, in pain. She was still alive after all.

Then why did he feel like he was losing her already ?

He was a mind reader. He knew, in no time, Kate would be saying goodbye to him. Saying goodbye to all the memories they had ever made. And he wasn't ready. He won't let her go that easy.

* * *

_I was looking to the sky_  
_When I knew I'd be swimming home__  
__And I cannot betray my kind__  
__They are here, it's my time_

* * *

" I'm sorry, Castle. Sorry."

Saying sorry to him was like a drug for her. It minimized the pain, it gathered her strength. Not for a long time, though. This is the only chance to say words she wanted to say. But she won't hurt him.

She loved saying 'I love you' to him, but not now. 'I love you' sounded like a goodbye. She wanted him to believe that wasn't a farewell.

Although she knew it was.

She wanted to say 'I'm sorry' again, but she knew he'd hate her for that. She wanted to say something special. Something that could only come from her mouth,not other women. Something that would make him remember her.

"Stay, Kate. Stay."

The time he said it, she felt all her pain gone.

She believed, if there were stages of dying, she was on the top of it.

And the last thing she wanted to do is wasting time, like she always did. She was half ready to let go of herself. She was ready to say the smartest words she had thought. She really was.

"T-thank you, Rick. For – for being here." She felt nothing when she said the words. She knew her job was done. And the only thing that could release her from feeling nothing was his word. Their word.

But he was busy fighting his tears and she was busy facing her heavy eyelids who begged her to stop fighting.

And she fought it anyway. She hadn't heard the word she wanted.

"Always."

* * *

_I'm sorry, nothing can hold me..  
__I adore you still,  
__but I hear them calling,  
__and nothing can hold me.  
_


End file.
